Nobody Hears love
by livinlifedabestucan
Summary: Faith becomes open with her feelings, but cannot deal with Buffy and Spike.
1. The Beginning to an End

Nobody Hears Love  
By Livinlifedabestucan  
  
Summary: Faith becomes open with her feelings, but cannot deal with Buffy and Spike.  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words said. The song is "Nobody Hears" by Suicidal Tendencies.  
  
The story.....  
  
My name is Faith. I don't have a last name really; I did once, but my watcher told me to lose it. That is the past though, along with a lot of things that are the past. You see I am back in good old Sunnydale seeking redemption from the people I caused the most pain. B wasn't too thrilled that I was back, but the world is going to end so she needs me. She accepted my apology without kicking my ass first. She doesn't trust me yet, but I am working on that. So far I am doing a good job with it. I am like a good shove and she'll trust me again.  
I know she has feelings for me. I see it in the way she looks at me. I know she knows how I feel. I mean how couldn't she know? I basically told her when I saw her. She never acts on her feelings though.  
I have a lot of hidden pain that I know shows. Yet no one cares. I scream inside myself and I just am ignored. She ignores it as well.  
  
I talk through my eyes, the words pouring down  
Nobody hears  
You ask what's wrong, but what can I say  
Nobody hears  
  
I try to tell you, I try to show you  
How else can I tell you, how else can I show you?  
  
I know if I kiss her she will lash out, but it kills me seeing her with Spike. I want to be the one she goes to for support and comfort, but she doesn't even see me. I know my heart screams in pain when I hear them fucking in the basement. I'm on my last limb and I know I am falling fast.  
  
I'm screaming inside, why can't you hear?  
Nobody hears,  
You're looking right through me like I'm not here  
Nobody hears  
  
Sometimes I wonder why I'm here and not running. Then I remember the blond haired bitch that holds my heart. At night I know I cry, but she doesn't know. She is always with him.  
  
When the last tear falls down  
Nothing gets washed away  
Another plea put to rest  
As nobody hears, nobody hears  
  
So what did I do to you  
That makes you run from me  
Now I'm sitting here screaming inside myself  
Don't understand why nobody hears  
  
I know I messed up, but I am doing my best to prove myself to be different. He's just as bad as me and yet you run to him with arms wide open.  
You're so damn perfect. Golden curls falling on your shoulders with jade eyes filled with wonder. You have the perfect life, with friends that love you, a sister that follows you around and everyone loves you through your mistakes.  
You use my mistakes to keep me off the patrol shift. You just don't understand that I am itching to go out there.  
  
You figured it, you shaped it to your perfection  
Nobody hears  
Subtracted my feelings from this equation  
Nobody hears  
  
Some days you treat me as if I don't exist. Some days you hide your love for me so much that I start to believe it is in my head, but those smiles you send my way always have me so confused.  
  
Is it all in my mind  
Then it would be easy to find  
  
So what did I do to you  
That makes you run from me  
Now I'm sitting here screaming inside myself  
Don't understand why nobody hears  
  
So if it's all, if it's all in my mind  
Then wouldn't it, wouldn't it  
Wouldn't it be so easy to find  
Maybe I'm going psycho on you again. All these thoughts are driving me insane. I know that I am not happy. Some days I just want to end it all. Than you will have a new slayer and I won't be such a bother to you. I tried to end it once and it didn't work. I know I am going to try again. Some time soon. Maybe tonight. Maybe you'll stop me, but I doubt it. You'll be too wrapped up with him. Tonight it is. Tonight you won't have to worry about me anymore.  
  
So what do I have to do  
To make you comfort me  
Now I'm standing here screaming inside myself  
Don't understand why nobody hears  
  
It's early evening now. I'm in your room. The first night I got here you forced me to bunk with you. It was either you or the potentials. I chose you, those girls give me the willies. The knife you stabbed my gut with is in my hand. If I succeed, this pain will be over. Your pain won't end, but I'll do it anyways . You always said I was selfish.  
I slash my wrist quickly. I can feel the dull pain course through me. I continue slashing myself slowly. I want to suffer before I die. The slashing becomes feverish now as I see images of you and him together. My anger gets the best of me. I can feel you on the stairs coming upstairs to your room. I know that I am so dead if you catch me or maybe you'll laugh. I am beginning to fade, so I just sit there staring at the door waiting for you to come through it. You are turning to door knob slowly...  
  
So I'm sitting here screaming inside myself  
Well I'm sitting here inside myself  
  
I feel a lone tear roll down my cheek and I wipe it away with my bloody wrist.  
  
So I'm sitting here screaming to nobody else  
Don't understand why nobody hears  
  
You walk into the room and see me sitting there staring at you. You see the blood on my cheek and the knife in my hands. Your confusion is apparent and I can just image that you think I killed someone again. You walk towards me cautiously and I drop the knife onto my lap.  
I stand up from where I was sitting and walk towards you. The knife is forgotten on the floor. I can feel my energy leaving me, so I hope I can make it to you before I die. I reach to you with my bleeding arm. I touch your cheek with my hand that is going cold.  
"Hey B." Is all I can manage to say to you.  
You see the blood dripping from my wrist and your eyes grow wide.  
"Faith, what have you done?" You say with tears in your eyes. Damn you look pretty when you cry. Too late for me though. I start to fall to the ground and I can feel your arms around me. Your face is above mine and your face is the last thing I see before I fade to black. I can here your voice yelling for Giles and Willow, so I know I'm not dead yet.  
And nobody hears, nobody hears, nobody hears  
  
What do you think? Should I continue this? 


	2. Love Never Dies in the Heart

Disclaimer: Nothing but my words are mine. "Hero" is by Mariah Carey.  
  
Buffy P.O.V.:  
  
I can feel my heart dropping when I saw Faith collapse in front of me. I came upstairs to ask her to go patrolling with me. I had a lot of frustration that I had to let out and I wanted to bring her along so I could talk to her. Instead I get to watch my fellow slayer, my love no less, collapse in front of me because she decided to try suicide for a change. I know it's my fault. I drove her to this point. If I just told her how I felt instead of releasing my tension by fucking Spike, she wouldn't be like this right now. I know only two people that can save her now.  
"WILLOW! GILES1 HELP ME!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I can hear everyone rushing towards my room. My tears are falling freely as I look at my Faith. Willow and Giles run into the room to see me crying with Faith in my lap.  
I look up at them and I whisper, "Save her please. Don't let her die on me now."  
Willow and Giles exchange a look and they both leave in a hurry to get the med kit and spell book. I can hear people whispering outside my room talking about what they think could have happened to make the older Scoobies run around in a hurry. I am sitting here not really paying attention to anything around me. The only thing I could do is shakily stroke Faith's hair, my nerves are out of control and I need to focus on something other than my thoughts.  
Willow and Giles come back with the materials needed to help my goddess. Giles is wrapping Faith's arm so that Willow won't have to look at it anymore. Willow is chanting the words to the healing spell and I look at Faith waiting for the spell to work. I feel Willows hand on my shoulder when she finishes the spell. I look up at her and she starts to talk, but I can barely hear her.  
"Buffy, she'll be okay. She just lost a lot of blood. She is sleeping now; she should be fine after a few hours of rest." Willow was talking with a sad, defeated voice.  
"Buffy, you should put her into your bed now. You look exhausted; you should get some sleep too." Giles is going all fatherly on me, but I can barely even acknowledge him.  
"Yes, Yes... okay." I say looking back down at Faith. "Of course she needs sleep."  
Willow and Giles exchange another look that they think I can't see. Willow walks closer to me and hugs me trying to comfort me. I let her hug me, but I don't respond to it because I don't wanna stop stroking Faith's hair; it was keeping me so calm. Willow helps me to my feet and walks out of the room.  
I carefully pick Faith up and lay her down on my bed. I don't wanna sleep 'cuz I wanna be the one she sees when she wakes up. Giles is still in the room. I know he wants me to sleep, but he knows that I won't until I make sure she is okay. He brings me a chair from my desk and I smile at him gratefully. Before I sit down he hugs me and takes one last look at Faith before he leaves.  
I sit down and look at Faith wondering why she had to do this now. I just needed a little bit of time. Spike knows I am pinning for her, he even told me that he won't let me lose her just to get some release. So here I am looking at her wishing that I could have told her before so that she wouldn't be where she is right now.  
I know Willow is seeking comfort from Kennedy right now. She had to do this once before so it is probably a stroll down memory lane for her. I know it is for me. If I knew I scared everyone this badly I wouldn't have tried to commit suicide. Willow wasn't the one to find me though. My darling sister did. I feel bad now, because now I know how she felt. She walked into my room when I was going to end it. Funny thing is that I tried to end it because she wasn't here. My Faith wasn't there to help me. She wasn't there to share the burden with me. She was the only one that ever understood what I had to go through. And I basically put her where she is now.  
I am stroking her hair now, watching her sleep peacefully. She has a small smile on her face, so I guess it's a good dream. I start to think of how Dawn handled my suicide attempt when I had to be put in my bed. She sung to me. It was Mariah Carey's "Hero". It seems so perfect for what happened. I softly hum the beginning of the song and then sing it softly to Faith.  
  
"There's a hero  
  
If you look inside your heart  
  
You don't have to be afraid  
  
Of what you are  
  
There's an answer  
  
If you reach into your soul  
  
And the sorrow that you know  
  
Will melt away"  
  
I start to stroke her cheek with tears falling from my eyes with each memory of how Dawn helped pull me back into life.  
  
"And then a hero comes along  
  
With the strength to carry on  
  
And you cast your fears aside  
  
And you know you can survive  
  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
  
Look inside you and be strong  
  
And you'll finally see the truth  
  
That a hero lies in you"  
  
I feel her lean into the warm of my hand. I smile down at her and continue to sing to her. I still see Dawn's face when I sing this song. She looked so sad and defeated. She knew I was that close to falling over the edge. I can hear her outside the room; I am surprised she didn't come in earlier. Then again she was out on a supply run with Xander for the house. I hear my door opening and I know it is her.  
  
"It's a long road  
  
When you face the world alone  
  
No one reaches out a hand  
  
For you to hold  
  
You can find love  
  
If you search within yourself  
  
And the emptiness you felt  
  
Will disappear"  
  
She is standing beside me now; she put her hand on my shoulder telling me she is here for me. I look up at her and smile my sad little smile. She smiles back with a small sad smile too. I whisper "I'm sorry I did this to you. I know how you feel now." She doesn't say anything but she hugs me close to her and I can feel her tears. We both sing together to Faith.  
  
"And then a hero comes along  
  
With the strength to carry on  
  
And you cast your fears aside  
  
And you know you can survive  
  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
  
Look inside you and be strong  
  
And you'll finally see the truth  
  
That a hero lies in you"  
  
I move from my seat and move Faith into a semi sitting position. I move behind her and let her lay against me so she can feel my presence. Dawn also did this to me. It made me feel needed here. Dawn sits in my seat with one hand holding my hand and the other holding Faith's.  
  
"Lord knows  
  
Dreams are hard to follow  
  
But don't let anyone  
  
Tear them away, hey yeah  
  
Hold on  
  
There will be tomorrow  
  
In time  
  
You'll find the way"  
  
I know I am falling asleep now, 'cuz Faith is just so warm and I feel at peace here. I know Dawn can see it on my face. I sink slowly into the warm darkness of sleep. I can hear Dawn pulling the covers over us. I open my eyes one last time to smile at my sister and then I feel myself giving away to the blackness. The only thing I hear is Dawn's voice singing the last part to the song.  
"And then a hero comes along  
  
With the strength to carry on  
  
And you cast your fears aside  
  
And you know you can survive  
  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
  
Look inside you and be strong  
  
And you'll finally see the truth  
  
That a hero lies in you"  
  
Should I continue? 


	3. My Angel of love

Disclaimer: "The Voice Within" belongs to Christina Aguilera.  
  
FAITH P.O.V.:  
  
I hear singing and the sweetest voice. I can't make out the words, but I can recognize the tune in my sleepy state. I think Willow and Giles saved me, but this place is too safe and warm to be the real world. There is an angel singing to me stroking my face. I finally feel welcomed and it's in heaven. I thought I would go to hell for sure.  
Someone else must have entered the room 'cuz now there are two voices singing. I can feel myself drifting further into sleep with the soothing effects of the singing and the hand stroking my face. The hand disappears and so does the warmth. I wanna feel the warmth again! Where did it go?! I feel someone moving me and a body slides behind me. The warm is back and I feel safe in this person's embrace. I can recognize the voice now. My angel is B. She couldn't have died, I hope... so I must be in the real world. Dammit and I thought I was in heaven. Oh well... Shit... she's going to murder me tomorrow. I don't wanna wake up now! Please don't let me wake up! Please!!  
I have no clue who I'm begging to, but I know I really don't want to wake up to an angry blond. B's falling asleep now, and so am I. I can still hear the other person singing to us. It must be one of the Scoobies. Most likely Dawn, she actually cares about me. She has such a soothing voice. I'm not going to fight the sleep anymore. B's breathing is lulling me into a deep sleep.  
  
DAWN P.O.V.:  
  
I can't believe Faith tried to commit suicide. I never thought she would result to that. Then again I never thought Buffy would do that too.  
I'm glad Buffy was there in time, otherwise Faith would have died and so would Buffy.  
I don't want to leave this room yet because I want to make sure they'll be okay. I'm singing a song by Christina Aguilera now.  
"Young girl, don't cry  
  
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall  
  
Young girl, it's all right  
  
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly   
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream  
  
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems  
  
No one ever wants or bothers to explain  
  
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means"  
I don't get how they could be so strong physically but never tell each other that they love them. They need to say it to each other so that they don't break each other.  
  
"When there's no one else  
  
Look inside yourself  
  
Like your oldest friend  
  
Just trust the voice within  
  
Then you'll find the strength  
  
That will guide your way  
  
If you will learn to begin  
  
To trust the voice within"  
  
I seriously need to have a talk with these two in the morning. They are trying to give me a heart attack. Faith is like the cool older sister to me. She's always looking out for me when she didn't need to. And Buffy, she died to give me life. Can you say love?!  
  
"Young girl, don't hide  
  
You'll never change if you just run away  
  
Young girl, just hold tight  
  
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day"  
I wish they weren't so self-sacrificing. I know Buffy gave her life for me. But Faith almost did too. I was out late at night with her one time and she saw an uber-vamp coming at me and she pushed me away. The vamp had a damn sword! It went right into her! She killed the vamp, but I am glad that we were so close to the house. Otherwise she would have died. I don't think she told Buffy that it happened because she saved me. Damn fool. I'll tell Buffy though. I want them to be together.  
"Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed  
  
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid  
  
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold  
  
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul   
  
When there's no one else  
  
Look inside yourself  
  
Like your oldest friend  
  
Just trust the voice within  
  
Then you'll find the strength  
  
That will guide your way  
  
If you will learn to begin  
  
To trust the voice within Yeah...  
  
Life is a journey  
  
It can take you anywhere you choose to go  
  
As long as you're learning  
  
You'll find all you'll ever need to know "  
I should probably leave now. They look so peaceful right now. So not what's going to happen tomorrow. I feel sorry for Faith right now; the wrath of Buffy is something to be afraid of.  
"You'll make it  
  
You'll make it  
  
Just don't go forsaking yourself  
  
No one can stop you  
  
You know that I'm talking to you   
When there's no one else  
  
Look inside yourself  
  
Like your oldest friend  
  
Just trust the voice within  
  
Then you'll find the strength  
  
That will guide your way  
  
If you will learn to begin  
  
To trust the voice within Young girl don't cry  
  
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall"  
  
NEXT MORNING  
  
BUFFY P.O.V.:  
I wake up feeling pretty good, but I remember what happened last night and I panic 'cuz I think that Faith succeeded. Then I realize that everything is okay 'cuz Faith is in my arms. It's almost noon now, I slept pretty late. I can't believe no one came to wake me up. We still have the First to fight.  
I can feel Faith start to wake up. She's snuggling closer into me. I tighten my grip on her because I don't wanna let her go.  
"B?" She asks in her sexy gruff voice.  
"Ya?" I reply.  
I can almost feel her think 'Why did I save her' so I decide to beat her to it.  
"I saved you because I love you." Now admitting that isn't so bad. Shit did she just tense in my arms?  
"What?" was the small response.  
"I. love. You." I state as if it's obvious.  
She's struggling against my hold and I can't help but feel hurt. I thought she liked me. I watch her, through my tears, pace in front of me.  
  
FAITH P.O.V.:  
Shit. B just admitted her feelings for me. I'm scared because I should admit it back to her. But what if she rejects me?  
"Faith?" The vulnerability in her voice makes me look up at her.  
Shit. I just made her cry.  
"I... I..." I try to say it, but I frown 'cuz the words just won't come out. "I... love..."  
She's now starting to look hopeful, so I gulp and try to say it again.  
"I... love..." Dammit stuck there again. "I love you too." God that was too hard.  
She's crying again, so I wrap my arms around her trying to sooth her. I start to get comfortable holding her when she says those five cursed words that no one likes to hear.  
  
BUFFY P.O.V.:  
  
She loves me back. These tears never seem to stop. I wipe them away as she approaches me and wraps me in the best hug in the world. But I know I have to talk to her about last night. So I say those five little words...  
  
A.N. What do you think? 


	4. Terror Words

Disclaimer: "Lean On Me" is by Bill Withers  
  
BUFFY P.O.V.:  
  
"We need to talk." I say calmly. I can feel her tense in my embrace, but I have to do this.  
  
"No we don't," she says quietly.  
  
"Yeah we do." I stop her from interrupting me by putting a single finger onto her lips. "We need to talk about us, and about last night. I'm not mad, but we need to talk about it."  
  
That wasn't too hard, now I just need to tell her everything.  
  
"Don't say anything right now, 'cuz there's a lot I need to tell you. All of it ties into last night." I take a deep breath and begin. Faith is looking at me with those sweet dark chocolate eyes. "I tried to do what you did last night. Obviously someone saved me. I couldn't stand living in this world without you. Yes, you. You are the only one that can understand what it means to be a slayer. You're the one that hold my heart. You're the one that keeps me alive these days. I know it doesn't seem like I care about you some days, but I do. I only fucked Spike because I need release. Slaying always leaves me hungry and horny." At this I wink at her watching her blush. "I didn't know if you loved me, so I stayed with Spike. Yesterday I was going to tell you how I felt, but I saw you almost die on me." She turns her head away from me in shame. "And now I know how it must have felt for Dawn to walk in on me doing the same thing. I don't want you to die on me. Promise me you won't kill yourself."  
  
She looks at me sadly, "I can't do that B."  
  
"Dammit Faith! I don't want to lose you, please promise me this!" I am close to tears now and I can't help the anger that I feel.  
  
"I won't. I'm not stable enough to make that promise and aim to keep it."  
  
"Then listen to me. I won't leave you. Just listen to this song." I'm getting teary and desperate not. Damn her why can't she just promise me this.  
  
"Sometimes, in our lives  
  
We all have pain, we all have sorry  
  
But, if we are wise  
  
We know that there's always tomorrow"  
  
I'm singing to her hoping she gets what I'm saying. I know she knows this song.  
  
"Lean on me, when you're not strong  
  
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on   
  
For, it won't be long  
  
Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."  
  
I wrap my arms aroung her. I'm singing softly in her ear. I feel her shaking in my arms and I want to cry myself, but the song must go on.  
  
"Please swallow your pride   
  
If I have things you need to borrow   
  
For no one can fill   
  
Those of your needs that you won't let show"  
  
I mean every word I'm singing to her. My soul is being poured out to her. No one else, save Dawn, can make me act this way.  
  
"You just call on me brother when you need a hand   
  
We all need somebody to lean on   
  
I just might have a problem that you'll understand   
  
We all need somebody to lean on  
  
Lean on me, when you're not strong   
  
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on   
  
For, it won't be long   
  
Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on"  
  
I think she's finally getting it. I knew she would. This is important for her to understand. I'm not going to let her go or let what happened before happen again. I love her too much to let her go now. Or ever. I just want to be the one that holds her every time she's sad. I want to be the one to wipe away her tears. I want to be her everything.  
  
"You just call on me brother when you need a hand   
  
We all need somebody to lean on   
  
I just might have a problem that you'll understand   
  
We all need somebody to lean on   
  
If there is a load   
  
You have to bear, that you can't carry   
  
I'm right up the road   
  
I'll share your load if you just call me   
  
Call me if you need a friend   
  
Call me ..."  
  
"I love you Faith." 


	5. Run To Love

**Disclaimer**: "Hurt" is song by Johnny Cash but written by Nine Inch Nails.  
  
**FAITH P.O.V.:**

She just sung to me and said that she loves me. If that isn't loving someone I don't know what is. She makes me into this weak weepy person. Or maybe it's just a weepy person, 'cuz I know I ain't weak.  
"God, Buffy... I love you too." Damn I sound so pathetic, but I know that to her I don't sound that way. I love her so much. I can feel safe in her arms. I just know that this is the way I am supposed to be living. This is the way it was suppose to be from the beginning. I feel as if I have a purpose now. I'm her purpose.  
"B... I need you to listen to me now..." I try to say calmly but the tears have made my voice thick with emotion.  
"I always will." Damn she knows how to make me feel. I must stay focused... she needs to know. She deserves to know why her love is falling faster and faster everyday.  
"First I'll try to explain it in words... then I'll sing you something... 'Cuz part of this I can't really explain in words to you." She is going to hear me sing... I must be going insane if I am letting her hear me sing.  
"Go ahead Faith, I'll listen." Here's my shot at telling her.  
"I'm falling B. And fast. You won't be able to catch me all of the time. This is something that I can't handle. I am seeking redemption from all these people and only a few will actually give me the time of day. I know I was bad back then, but I'm different now and no one gets that. I am not the same teenager I was back then. I'm older now and I know what I want to do and who I wanna be. That person of the past is in the past and I want to move on from it. I apologized to everyone, and they still don't get it. I am not here just to save the world. I am here to make it up to them. Only Dawn has seen how I changed. Don't go asking about that though, 'cuz I ain't telling you how she saw it. You can talk to her about it if you want. I know in your heart you want to believe I have changed, but you don't see it. You have your eyes closed to me. You don't look deep, you only see my cover. I know you love me and I know you know I love you. I will never stop loving you, but... Sometimes I wonder why you love someone that you think is a monster. I am doing the best I can." I really need to breathe more. I can't look back at her. I don't want to see how much I hurt her.  
"I know you were with Spike before. He is more than a monster than I am. Even if he just got his soul back. I am better than he is because I live with the torment of what I did. I see it every time I close my eyes. I see everyone's eyes when I fall asleep; I see the look in their eyes... I see how they act towards me. I see what I hate about myself in their eyes. I am not that person anymore because I can see what I did wrong and I can fix my attitude." I can feel her shaking behind me, but I can't face her. Not now.  
"I loved you since I first saw you, but you didn't give me the time of day. I was so willing to go with you on anything until you hurt me with Angel and then pinned me with Finch. I wasn't the only one there. You were there too. Everyone let you off the hook though, only bad Faith got in trouble. I did my time in jail after the coma and all that junk. I was there. I relived my past in my sleep. Angel wouldn't even kill me. I come back here and everything is worse. I am in the place where I did the most damage. I came here for redemption and apologize to the people I hurt."  
This is getting tiring for me. There is just so much I need to say. All of it hurts to reveal because I can see flashes of what happened.  
"I'm slowly getting over the flash backs of what happened because I am beginning to accept what I did and who I hurt. I don't want instant forgiveness, I just want some understanding. I did what I did last night because I wanted to end the pain. I wanted to be free of it all. I know it's not the best way to end it and all, but it was the only way I could think of."  
My tears fall quietly down my cheeks. She is crying too, I know she is. I can feel her shaking and at this moment I turn around to see her. Her tears are running down her face so fast I wonder if there is a hose in her eyes. I wrap her in my arms and I rub her back gently letting her know that everything is going to be okay.  
"Shh... B... its okay. Please baby, don't cry. I just wanted to tell you how I felt. I am not pinning it on you. I just wanted to let it all out. Shh... it's okay. I'm okay thanks to you. Don't worry about it... Come on now... where's that B smile?"  
I am trying to get her to smile at me... I know that it's going to be difficult, but her smiles always brighten the room. She looks me in the eyes and I smile softly at her. She smiles her sad smile and I can't help but smile more at her.  
"Don't hate me... but I have to sing the song now... this might explain some more of why I did it." Okay... here it goes... please don't let her hate me.  
  
"I hurt myself today  
to see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
the only thing that's real  
the needle tears a hole  
the old familiar sting  
try to kill it all away  
but I remember everything"  
  
This song is so true. I know I'll always remember what I did. No one can ever make it go away naturally. Unless they use magic.

"what have I become?  
my sweetest friend  
everyone I know  
goes away in the end  
you could have it all  
my empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt"  
  
I own nothing that would be good enough for my B. I will always make her hurt. No matter what I do. She'll always be in pain because of me. I wish I didn't, but it's the way I am.  
  
"I wear this crown of shit  
upon my liar's chair  
full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair  
beneath the stains of time  
the feeling disappear  
you are someone else  
I am still right here"  
  
I am the queen of shit and I would never give it to her. I know that I can't repair what I have done because I can't save all those people's lives. She has changed, and I have too.  
  
"what have I become?  
my sweetest friend  
everyone I know  
goes away in the end"  
  
I have become a monster and I know I lose everyone I come in touch with. My watcher, the mayor and B are the only ones that loved me. I lost my watcher and the mayor. I don't wanna lose B. Even if that means I have to give her up for her safety.  
  
"you could have it all  
my empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt  
if I could start again  
a million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way"  
  
I wish I didn't bring my reign of bad luck to this town... To B. I wish I could have been further away from this place. The place where I fucked up majorly.  
"I'm sorry B."  
I can feel her pulling me into a fierce hug that I can only explain as one of tender love. I feel all my walls fall down when I'm in her arms. I don't know how this could happen because I rarely show this kind of affection for anyone. I normally run from it. But this... this I will always run to.


	6. The Truth about Angel

AN: Hey guys sorry its been soo long. I kinda lost my inspiration for the stories... BUT I am back now and I have losts to do!

BUFFY P.O.V.

She finally let me in. I tried so hard to have her open up to me but she was in so much pain that she didn't even see that I was there for her. I wish I could go back in time and tell the younger me to actually pay attention to Faith before the whole Mayor shit. Now because she tried to kill herself I actually am able to see what was right in front of me all along.

THIRD PERSON P.O.V.

Buffy and Faith sat in Buffy's room just holding each other hoping that right now there was only the two of them. They didn't want to worry about their friends or family and their reactions to Buffy and Faith's relationship. Or of anything really. The Scoobies simply couldn't comprehend what it is like to go to the verge of self-inflicted death and come back to the people they love. That is one of the things that help connect Buffy and Faith, but it's not the only thing. Together the two slayers share a bond of self-inflicted pain, love, and being survivors.

Neither slayer knew that when they woke up that they would find their world different then when they left it. They didn't know that the scoobies stayed up all night hoping that Faith would make it so that Buffy wouldn't go off the deep end. They didn't know that the Powers that Be were smiling down on them because they finally found their destiny. They definately didn't know that Angel had become human and was on his way to the Summers residence.

KNIOCK KNOCK

Willow bolted up from the coach to go open the door. Out in the sunlight stood Angel smiling.

"Hey Willow! Is Buffy here?" Angel said stepping into the house.

"Angel?" Willow questioned, "Why aren't you a pile of dust?"

"Oh, that old problem... it's been fixed" Angel replied looking around the house.

"what do you mean? are you human?" Willow asked excited.

"You could say that." Angel replied noncholantly.

"OMG! BUFFFFFYYYYY!" Willow shouted up the stairs.

A thud was heard and a disgruntled Buffy exited her room. "What's wrong Willow, you scared the shit out of me. I was sleeping!"

"Angel is human again!" Willow shooted.

Buffy turned to Angel and smiled. "Good for you, let me go get Faith and you can tell her the good news."

Buffy walked up the stairs into her room and came back shortly afterwards with a grumpy Faith. Buffy and Faith were holding hands and Faith was leaning into Buffy for support in her sleepy state.

"What's the big deal?" Faith grouched before seeing Angel. "Soul-boy! How's LA?"

Angel laughed. "You know, nice and sunny. Perfect weather to take a stroll in. I mean I love walking in the sun now that I am human again."

"No way! You did it? YOu accomplished the task that the Powers that Be wanted you to do? Man that is awesome!" Faith exclaimed.

"Yep I did. And it looks like you did what they wanted too because you have the blessing of the PTB. Both you and Buffy. Congrats on the relationship by the way." Angel said grinning.

Buffy blushed and hid into Faith's shoulder as everyone turned to stare at them. Faith was chuckling slightly at their situation. Soon there was chattering amongst everyone saying that they knew it. Buffy was soon chuckling with Faith. It turns out that everyone knew that they were going to get together and that was the true reason on why Angel left to LA to begin with and he promised himself that when Buffy admitted her feelings, he would tell her the true reason.

THE END


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